Letting Others Have the Glory

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.  -Benjamin Franklin 

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with someone who always seems to try and top your story?  What I mean is that whatever you are talking about, this person has already done it and did it better than you.  If you say that you went to the Grand Canyon last year he will quickly say that he has been there as well, five times, in fact, and is planning on going there next year.  Those situations leave us feeling what may be described as bested.  I know what that feels like, for this happens to me from time to time.  I recall how that last summer I was telling someone about my car and how that it has 165,000 miles on it.  Without hesitation this fellow stated that the car he drives every day has 250,000 miles.   

Then there was the gentleman I was chatting with one evening at a high school football game and somehow the subject of popular singers came up.  I happened to mention that as a teenager I had seen the singer Jimmy Buffet in concert.  The man spoke up and told me that he had seen Mr. Buffet in concert thirty-five times.  That sort of makes me want to wave a white flag of surrender and walk away – quickly. 

The question of why we sometimes want to top other peoples’ stories merits consideration.  Perhaps it stems from our own insecurities, or maybe it is a need to be recognized, but understand that it interferes with communication, relationships, and well-being.  Consider these strategies for better communication and well-being:

• Let others have the glory.  The next time someone is telling a story, resist the urge to top it.  Yes, you have been to the Florida Keys too.  That’s fantastic!  Let your friend bask in the glow of telling about her recent trip there. 
  

• Develop and practice good listening skills.  When someone is talking, stop planning what you are going to say next, such as how that you also have hiked up Pike’s Peak.  Instead, relax and concentrate on what the person is saying.  The conversation will go smoother and your friend will appreciate your attentiveness.   

• Even if you have already heard the joke, let the other person tell it.  Nothing is more deflating than to start into a funny story only to be interrupted with, “Oh, yeah, I’ve already heard that one.” People have told me jokes which I have heard many times.  My response is to listen as if hearing it for the first time, and then laugh along with them.  Isn’t that better than cutting them off and stealing their enjoyment?  After all, the true joy is in the telling. 
  

• Avoid trying to be the center of attention or “the life of the party.”  That’s way too much responsibility.  Relax and just be you.   

Somewhere today there is someone who could use some kindness, compassion, and attention.  You may well be the one to provide it.   

It’s going to be a great day!