Overcoming the Fear of Trying Something New

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.  -Babe Ruth 

The last time Andrea and I took a vacation to Florida was in the summer of 1985.  I remember that vacation for a number of reasons, one of which was that our wonderful vacation was cut short by hurricane Elaina.  Not only did she bring to a screeching halt one of the best vacations ever, but she nearly wrecked Clearwater, Florida and Bellaire Beach.  This was before Andrea and I had any children, so we were free to hold hands and run along the white sand beaches like a couple of teenagers.  I have another memory of that vacation as well; that was the time we met a little girl named Agatha.

Agatha and her family were staying at the same hotel as us, and we couldn’t help but overhear her and her parents talking with one another in wonderfully fluent French.  One morning as Andrea and I sat by the pool, Agatha came over and introduced herself – in flawless English.  For the rest of the week, until Elaina ran us off the beach, Agatha would sit with Andrea and me and chat about her life in Canada.  She lived in a community where everyone by necessity had to master three languages, French, Polish, and English, a feat she had accomplished by the tender age of nine years.  I will never forget the question she put to me one day: “So, how many languages do you speak?” “Just one,” I laughed, “and I struggle with that one.” Bless her innocent heart, but Agatha never caught the irony of my answer. 

This little girl’s question has lingered in my mind for 25 years.  Why haven’t I learned another language?  I have always wanted to, but have never found the time or motivation to do so.  And I have always felt that I was somehow missing out on a powerful and amazing experience.  The main point of this is that it’s never too late to take on something new: a new talent, a new hobby, or interest.  The only hindrance standing in the way is us.  As a pastor, if I could learn Spanish, for example, I could find people to converse with all over Bristol, for Spanish speaking people are frequently moving into the community.  This could be a valuable extension of ministry. 

So, what about you?  What is stopping you from trying something you have never done before?  Do not allow fear to stop you, and do not allow the fear of failure to stand in the way.  You never know until you try.

• Take the trip you have long dreamed of.

• Obtain the canvas and the paint, and begin painting.

• Volunteer with the relief agency.

• Go back to school and earn your degree.

• Sit down and begin writing the novel that has long been inside you.

Great accomplishments always began with those who overcame their fears of failure.

If not now, when?  If not you, who? 

Get started – today!

Don’t Give up on Seeking Happiness

Happiness is a form of courage.  ~Holbrook Jackson 

Seriously consider for a moment what makes you happy.  Please don’t tell me that nothing makes you happy, because I refuse to believe that.  There are pursuits, hobbies, activities, people, and memories that bring those wonderful feelings of happiness to your mind and soul.  We are not in a race against other people to see who can make the most money or accumulate the most possessions.  If money and possessions could equal happiness, then the more stuff we owned the happier we would be.  However, we know this is not the case – not by a long shot.  My thoughts on this are confirmed when I reflect on all of the wealthy people I have known and read about who were bitterly unhappy.  Having more money and nicer belongings are by no means a guarantee of happiness.

Some people are blessed with a more positive outlook and are naturally happier than other people.  Still others have to work daily at being happy.  Sadly, there are also many people who go through life barely experiencing any happiness at all.  Instead, this latter group goes about in a bitter, resentful, pessimistic, and angry frame of mind most of the time.  Wherever you fall in these groups, some key principles are certain: happiness is available to those who make up their minds to obtain it, and we can re-orient our thinking and attitudes to facilitate happiness every day.  Consider these tips on being a happier and more peaceful person: 

• Become solution oriented.  Rather than take a “woe is me” approach to the problems that come about, try instead to think in terms of how the problems will be handled.  Try not to despair that something negative has happened, but instead think in terms of “Okay, this is happened; how am I going to deal with it?” Such a proactive approach to problem solving moves us forward toward more positive thinking. 

• Set goals that are s-m-a-r-t: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.  I am continually amazed at the people I meet who never set goals for themselves.  If you are such a person, then start small.  Begin to set short-term goals for yourself followed by more long-term.  The short term might be along the lines of reading more and watching TV less for the next month.  A more long-term goal could be returning to college and earning a degree. In either case these goals fit the “smart” criteria.   

• Stop being so critical of yourself.  No matter how badly you may feel or what mistakes you have made, you are still a person of tremendous value; to God, to society, to your family, and to someone whom you may not even be aware.  I can assure you that you are an individual of immeasurable worth and potential. 

Make a conscious decision to be happy today, regardless of the problems you are facing.  Rise up, go forward, and claim the joy that is waiting.  Life is passing by even as you read this, so don’t waste another moment being sad and defeated.  

It’s going to be a great day!

From Existing, to Surviving, to Living

Saints are sinners who kept on going.  –Robert Louis Stevenson 

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.  -Albert Einstein 

If you have ever battled depression, sorrow, the blues, discouragement, or as some people call them –  the blahs, you know how difficult it can be to keep getting out of bed every morning and moving forward.  Perhaps the idea of moving forward is a stretch; you’re happy if you can just get moving.  Consider what it is that gets you out of bed every morning: the fear of losing your job, sleeping late gives you a headache, or you look forward to rising up and facing the day with all its limitless possibilities.  This latter motivation is the optimum reason for getting up and tackling the day.  However, I understand that when the blues have settled in, that can appear to be a tall order. 

This is where the thought processes we allow into our minds are so vitally important.  Anyone who battles feelings of unhappiness, sorrow, or depression must resolve to not give up.  I know all too well those terrible feelings that can settle around us when we wake up in the morning. Someone who had battled depression once told me that for years, every morning upon waking, she would relive every mistake she had ever made.  That would indeed be terrible way to live.  In such a case a person is not living, but surviving, and survival mode will only take us so far.  At some point we must shift from existing, to surviving, to living life to the fullest.  And please believe me when I say that it can be done.  Consider these strategies for taking back control of your life, happiness, and peace of mind:

• Have a consultation with your doctor.  Get a complete physical examination, and tell your doctor exactly how you have been feeling.  The causes of your feeling so badly may have a physical basis.  Otherwise, your physician can help you explore some options with anti-depressants, which have worked wonderfully for countless people.
  

• Get involved with some sort of volunteer work.  Anytime we help others in some capacity, the results are feelings of accomplishment and good will.  Try volunteering at the local food bank, hospital, or homeless shelter.  The possibilities for volunteer work are numerous.
  

• Try listening to upbeat, happy music.  The varieties for good music are as diverse as any taste you may have.  Gospel, country, bluegrass, and classical all have songs that are lively, upbeat, and can put a snap in your step.
  

• Consider professional counseling or therapy.  There are numerous qualified therapists and counselors in your community.  Get a trusted friend, your pastor, or doctor to make a referral.  Talking about what you are facing and feeling can have a wonderfully liberating effect. 

• Go to church.  Studies have shown that people who attend religious services report higher levels of happiness than those who do not.  Give it a try.
  

Get connected and stay connected.  The worst approach to sorrow is to shut ourselves off from others.  With God’s help you can rise up and go forward – and find happiness. 

Never give up!

A Proper Lock on our Stop-gates

Man cannot live without self-control.  -Isaac Bashevis Singer

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.  –Galatians 5:22 

Most of us have had the unpleasant experience of having to deal with habitually aggressive people who lack proper self-control.  The person who lacks self-control is someone who is frequently ruled by uncontrolled emotion rather than reason and rationality.  All of us have what I call a “mental stop-gate” that keeps us from plunging into a situation that could create tremendous trouble in our lives.  The problem comes when people do not know how to keep that gate closed and they end up doing something they later regret.  Hateful words, angry emails, and downright violence all come about from self-control issues.  Keeping that stop-gate closed is serious business. 

One problem we all face is that we live with stress, and stress-related issues are increasing all of the time.  We are stressed out over finances, unemployment, marital conflict, problems with our children, conflicts with our adult children, health issues, or caring for aging parents.  Never before have I seen more people more stressed out than we are at this point in time.  All that stress can come tumbling into our stop-gate and sometimes it just gets blown wide open.  In the end, some unfortunate person has to deal with us while we’re in full rant.  That’s not a pretty picture. 

So, how do we manage all this stress and at the same time maintain proper self-control?  There are a number of ways we can manage stress and in the process develop stronger self-control.  Try some of these strategies, which work well for me: 

-Acquire and maintain some sort of hobby.  Your hobby doesn’t have to be anything fancy; it just has to be uniquely yours.  It can be collecting stamps or baseball cards, refinishing antique woodwork, playing an instrument, gardening, cross-stitch or knitting, or painting.  Be bold and innovative.  Take up a hobby you have always wanted to try, but never have.  This can be a wonderful way to unwind and release pent-up stress. 

-Develop the discipline of reading.  Reading is one of the all-time great stress relievers.  Reading relaxes the mind, calms the nerves, and can take us on journeys to exotic locations we may never get to visit in real life.  The possibilities for great literature are endless.  Try turning off the TV or computer for a while and read a good book.   

-Reward yourself frequently.  Stressful lives and hard work merit rewards.  Take time out from your busy schedule and take a little trip to Starbucks or some such establishment.  Have a mocha java or a café latte with a bran muffin.  Have two!  You get the idea. 

-Learn to relax.  Life is way too short to spend it uptight and angry all of the time.  Learn how to lighten up, laugh, and enjoy life right where you are. 

Is the lock on your stop-gate holding?  Great!  It’s a stressful world out there.  Don’t let it bring you down.  It’s going to be a wonderful day! 

The Benefits of Daily Exercise

In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.  ~Author Unknown 

Years ago I heard a recording of the late comedian Grady Nutt talking about the importance of proper exercise, but how difficult it was to do.  He said that he decided to take up jogging and after about five or ten minutes his lungs said to his legs, “Where are we?” I know exactly how that feels.  Most of us know about the importance of exercise and the health benefits of doing so, but unfortunately we do not always get the exercise we need.  I have heard references to the above quote many times and I agree wholeheartedly; in order to develop an exercise routine that works requires that we reach the place where we are absolutely tired of being sick and tired.

In recent years I have developed strategies for managing depression that have worked wonders for me.  My sincere hope and prayer is that what I have learned will work for you as well.  I have every reason to believe they can.  These include keeping a daily routine, a positive attitude, proper diet, and healthy relationships.  Add to that list another vital component: daily exercise.  For some reading this the thought of getting out and exercising might sound akin to taking up bullfighting.  It’s just not something you see yourself doing.  Rather than resign yourself to not being able to exercise, picture yourself doing it – and enjoying the health benefits.    

This past year I have learned all over again about the benefit of regular exercise.  Before beginning any exercise program it’s always a good idea to check with you doctor first.  Once you are cleared to begin, you can then find an exercise routine that works for you.  You could go out and purchase some expensive exercise equipment or even join a health club, but that honestly isn’t necessary.  Try one or more these suggestions: 

-Take a daily 20-30 minute brisk walk.  If you are a dog owner, take your dog out with for your walk.  He or she may need some exercise too – and your dog will love it! 

-Do 20-30 minutes of calisthenics every day.  Every morning I spend around 20-30 minutes doing basic calisthenics: jumping jacks, push-ups, sit-ups, lunges, and stretching exercises.  All of this can be done at home and before your daily schedule revs up in earnest. 

 

-Take up tennis.  Invite your spouse or a friend to take up this wonderful sport with you. 

-Bike riding.  Dust off your bicycle and go for a daily ride.  Be sure to wear a helmet!  You can also purchase a suitable bike without spending a fortune. 

-Join a health club.  For many people this works.  Personally, I am able to exercise all by myself, but many people find motivation from having other people with them.  If this works for you, then by all means pursue it. 

The connection between exercise and a brighter outlook are unmistakable.  They truly go hand in hand and each one encourages the other. 

Get started and get moving.  You will not regret it!

So, How’s Your Attitude?

The only disability in life is a bad attitude.  -Scott Hamilton 

I want you to seriously consider what kind of attitude you are walking around with each day.  A positive attitude can have a powerful impact on how we handle stress, problems, worries, and the issues we confront on a day-to-day basis.  So, what is your attitude like these days?  Are you sullen, angry, uptight, moody, stressed, bitter, and pessimistic?  If you answered “yes” to any of these, then take heart; there is hope for you.  Let me tell you a story:

A friend of mine who is a minister to students at a church in North Carolina was telling me about a boy in his youth group.  The young man would complain about everything, he whined constantly, was never happy, and went out of his way to let everyone else know how unfair life always was.  My friend described the young man as “insufferable.” Eventually, the young man finished High School and went away to college.  However, when he returned home the following summer, he was like a different person.  He had somehow become a young man with a more positive outlook.  According to my friend, the change was remarkable and much for the better. 

My friend indicated that the change went beyond just growing a little older and wiser.  This young man had apparently made a conscious decision to become more positive and outgoing.  You are capable of doing the same; I assure you that it can be done.  An insufferable person can indeed change into an optimist with a brighter and happier perspective on life.  So, how is this accomplished?  Here are some strategies that I believe will work, for they have worked for me and continue to do so:

-Start thinking more positive thoughts.  What goes on in our minds has a way of working into our words and attitudes.  When you feel the negative creeping in, take charge of your thought processes and resolve to fill your mind with positive images.  Try reading the Bible each morning (the Psalms are wonderful), pray, or go back and re-read a book that touched and inspired you.  Turn off the TV for a while and go for a walk. 

-Stop complaining.  Resolve to utter only positive, encouraging, and helpful comments.  For many of us, this will eliminate about half of what we say – and that’s okay!  You will in the process become a better listener; and your family, friends, and co-workers will notice the difference and will love you for it. 

-Develop a sense of humor.  Learn to laugh often at life in general and ourselves in particular.    

-Resolve to be happy right now.  Learn to enjoy the moment; a beautiful sunrise or sunset, a hot cup of coffee, a walking the dog, a few quiet moments with your spouse, child, or grandchild.  Stop waiting for large happy experiences and seize the smaller ones when they come.   

Are you feeling better?  I thought so.  Have a great day!

Draining or Enriching? Which will it be?

I can never think of promoting my convenience at the expense of a friend's interest and inclination. - George Washington 

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  -Ecclesiastes 4:10 

Are there people in your life you find yourself avoiding?  Perhaps the reason you avoid the person in question is that he or she has is never happy, is overly critical, and is a complainer.  Dealing with such people can leave us emotionally exhausted.  We begin to feel as though we are giving into the relationship while getting almost nothing back.  I am not suggesting that we always ditch such people; you and I may be the only ones who keep them at least close to the right track.  But that’s a huge responsibility, and one that can tax our patience. 

This is why we do well to build into our lives healthy relationships.  Just as we have people in our lives that can drain us, we can also have in our lives persons who enrich us.  These wonderful people typically see life from a more positive perspective.  They have problems like the rest of us, but they resolve to not be defeated by them.  They have faults and failures, but they have such strength of character that they know how to employ their strengths to the greatest benefit.  One aspect of critical and unhappy people is that they ignore the strengths of others while exaggerating their weaknesses.  Those with a brighter outlook are aware of the weaknesses of others, but they seek to encourage them toward their strengths. 

If you have such a friend, then by all means develop that friendship and learn from this individual.  Also consider that you and I are perfectly capable of becoming the ones who enrich the lives of those around us rather than drain them.  Therefore, a good question to ask of ourselves is, “Do I drain or enrich those around me?” If you truly desire to enrich the lives of others while also becoming more upbeat, then try these suggestions: 

• Smile more often: at strangers, cashiers, your family, and even when you are on the phone.  The person on the other end will “hear” the smile in voice and will respond positively.
• Go on a “complaining fast.”  This is where you try to go the entire day without making one negative comment.  Over time you will begin to orient yourself to making more positive statements rather than negative. 
• Cease from criticizing your spouse, children, or friends in front of other people.  This only breeds resentment.
• Develop good listening skills.  Let others speak, tell their story, or just reminisce as long as they desire.  Trust me; our time to speak will come.
• Learn to keep a confidence.  If someone trusts us with a confidence, treat it as sacred as a priest’s confessional.

 So, which will it be; a drainer or one who enriches?  The choice is yours.